As a senior in college, I’m so excited to graduate. I’m excited to never have to deal with professors, homework, grades, tests, essays, books that are mandated rather than for recreation, and all the other stuff that goes on with school. I can’t wait to have an ordinary boring life. To go to work, leave everything at the door at the end of the day, and just unwind. Yes, work is stressful, but there’s a group that’s with you and helping you a long. It’s not like in school where you’re depending on your professors, but they don’t care that much about you. And you may compete with co-workers, but not with all of them, like when you compete with your classmates. There are jobs you can’t leave at the door, ones that will follow you home, and maybe I’m romanticizing an “ordinary” life, but I’m still done with school. I’m ready for the real world. I’m ready to have a job, make my own way, and even pay my student loans. I’m ready to start my life.
But of course, it’s not all excitement. I’m also afraid of leaving school because I know how it works. I’m really good at school. I know what professors look for and want. I know how to get an A. I like being appreciated in class by my professors and peers. I look forward to having my work validated by grades, and by getting a letter from the college saying that I have a place on the Dean’s list again. I’m afraid of not being good enough for the real world. School is my safe place and has been for the last 16 years. I continually get validated by grades, but that's not how the real world works. It’s so easy to get looked over, and be just another cog in the machine. It’s hard to stand out in an office setting when you’re doing a pencil pushing job. But at the same time, that’s life. That’s the real world that I want, but I will also miss school. I’ll miss being constantly rewarded, but I’m ready to make a higher salary, and getting my own place, and being my own person.
21 year old college senior. English major. Adopted from China as a baby living in the US ever since. Feminist and kill joy with a cause.